Beauty doesn’t change. People’s perceptions of beauty change.
People don’t simply decide to hate their bodies. We teach them to.
I have extremely low self-esteem. Every day, when I wake up, I spend 50% my time in front of a mirror. First, I stand naked and criticize my body. It’s always the same things I say.
“Get rid of those thunder thighs”
“You’re looking fat today. No breakfast. Skip lunch. Run 10 miles”
“Come on, Pudgy, love handles aren’t sexy”
“Why can’t I just be beautiful?”
“Too much acne, such a pizza face”
“Why am I so ugly?”
“Short hair isn’t pretty”
“My nose looks like a mushroom”
“Pores are huge!”
“Slim down your face”
The other 50% of my time is spent in my closet and bathroom. Trying to make me look perfect. I try to erase all of my imperfections. I try to look skinny. I try to look ‘pretty’.
The sad thing is, I’m not the only girl that goes through this. I’m not the only person who faces struggles like these. I know for a fact that at least 90% of all the girls go through this in my school. This makes me cry.
Why? Why do I feel the need to say such destructive things to myself? When did I start feeling like this? There was a time when I didn’t care what I looked like. I never wore any makeup, never cared about the clothes I wore, never hesitated to speak my mind.
But then suddenly, I started to wear tons and tons of makeup. I suddenly was obsessed with the latest fashions, trying to look like everyone else. And, I began to close myself out to the world.
What I do to myself is disgusting. Ladies (And gentlemen), it is not healthy what we do to ourselves. It’s not healthy thinking all the time about how we’re not good enough. It’s just not right what we do to be ‘perfect’. It’s frightening, to be honest. It’s so scary what our words can do.
It’s so sad, because I do all of this just to feel pretty. But I don’t. I don’t feel happy with myself. I just feel empty. No matter what I do, I just can’t feel beautiful anymore. I’m not even trying to look pretty for people. I just want to feel beautiful, just once.
I used to say “I think every girl is beautiful”. I used to really believe that was true. But now I realize how hypocritical that was. I now know what I really meant. I meant “I think every girl, except me, is beautiful”.
You’re not ugly, society is.